Here is a little knitting I've been doing lately...

First, is this Sweet Baby Cap. I am really close to finishing it. It may even happen tonight! :D


Next up are some longies for my darling daughter. I've tried several times to do longies, but always get messed up at the legs. Not this time though, I refuse! I'm using some Peace Fleece (don't know the colorway, it was a gift from my sil) for the waistband and cuffs, and Malabrigo Noviembre for the main part of the pants. I love this yarn!!!


And finally....I was traded some yarn today for garden veggies from Shoeless Val! This is some beautiful organic cotton...time for me to make a Presto Chango for my wee one! By the way, that pattern was designed by Val! I feel so special :)


I am also getting enough Peace Fleece to do a Wonderful Wallaby for both the kids. S's will be done in Shaba Green (his choice!) and A's will be done with Blueberry Borscht.

Today I got some great mail too!!! I entered into the Fall Favorites Swap and got my package today!!!
I got a pillow (hand made!), tea towel, fall scented candles, Halloween cookie cutters and sprinkles, fall tattoos (S loves those!!), popcorn balls and a cute poem and ghost to do the Phantom with my neighborhood. For those of us not from Utah (I've never seen this done outside of this state), the phantom is something where you give your neighbors treats in October, they have to put the ghost up in their windows and give treats to someone else. The hope is that everyone in the neighborhood gets a yummy treat. It's pretty fun to do! We may have to use the cookie cutters to do our phantoming ;)

And...what I've been up to this weekend...

Yep, peaches. My friend Heidi and I bought 4 bushels of peaches (that's a lot of peaches!). On Saturday and Monday we bottled 43 quarts of peaches, and got 5 quart size freezer bags full too! That's a lot of peaches!!! I really want to eat them, but I have to wait until I can't get fresh peaches anymore. Next up...Apples!


Are you ready Heidi?? I am! (by the way, for those who don't know what I look like, that is not me...I only wish I were as cute as Heidi!)

Wow, today is September 11. I can't believe it's been 6 years already. I am sure that you all remember exactly where you were and what you were doing when you heard the news. For me, I was at work. I went in early that morning, I had to interpret a parent-teacher conference. I was headed to the interpreter's office after the meeting when a student stopped me and told me that an airplane had crashed into one of the World Trade Center buildings. I couldn't believe it. The rest of that day is imprinted on my mind so deeply. Hearing more and more, yet trying to keep it quiet so as not to scare the elementary students. That night, I couldn't tear myself away from the TV. Jeremy and I were to be married in one month and I just cried for all of these young brides and mothers who were now without their husbands. I cried for all the children who lost their parents and all the parents who lost their children. I just cried. Today, I remember those who died. I honor those whose lives were lost and forever changed by this day. Today, I remember all of those whose Angel Day is today.

S started school this week. He LOVES it! It is really a great group of kids and ladies. The boys all seem to get along great, and best of all, HE LOVES IT!!! Here are the two pictures he let me take of him on his first day...he's so cute!

Hello!!! What a fantastic weekend :) I love Labor Day weekend, not only does my dearest husband get to stay home and play with us, but I love that it signifies that fall is almost here! We had a good weekend, very nice and...well, I wouldn't call it relaxing :)

On Friday night we procured a new (to us) standing freezer. I feel like a real grown up now, we have a freezer in the garage. I am really excited about this. What this means for us is that I do not have to go to the grocery store several times a month to get meat. Our small freezer in the house just doesn't hold much, so we never had more than 2 weeks worth of food in the house. On Saturday, we went grocery shopping, and I mean shopping! We made a menu for a month and we now have everything we need (minus a few fresh items) to make all the meals for a month! I am thrilled!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today we talked about going on a picnic. But, Jeremy was up at 5:30 (yes, on his day off) to start smoking some butts. Pork butts that is. He got 3 pork butts and smoked them all day today. He and S also made a bird feeder. We have a problem with grasshoppers in our garden. Our theory is, have food for the birds, get them to our yard, they'll see the grasshopper dessert that is in the garden! I am crossing my fingers this works. Here are a few shots of the boys (oh and A had to get into the game too!) making the bird feeder. I have a feeling I will be getting a book all about birds soon as I am sure one of our newest hobbies will be bird watching. Any recommendations?



Today I also took the opportunity to do a little sewing. I love wearing ring slings, my kids love being in the sling, so I have decided to start making them. So, today while A was sleeping and the boys were busy, I made a sling for my friend Kara. I really love how it turned out. I love it so much that I want to keep it. But, I won't. I made it for her and she will love it just as much as I do!

Oh and tomorrow...S starts preschool. I am just so excited for him, but a tinge sad. I can not believe he is old enough to do this! I know, before I know it he will be graduating from high school, I don't want to think about it. I am glad my kids grow up, but it is hard. I'll post pictures of him tomorrow on his big day!

And the knitting...yes, the knitting :) I am making this sweet baby cap for my sister-in-law, who is having a baby in November. When I'm done with the one for the wee one, I'll make one for Miss A. She will look SO cute in it this winter!!! Wait, she looks cute in everything!

Yipee!!!! I love having Finished Objects (FO's for the non-knitters...some call Muggles!). Tonight I finished my summertime socks(scroll down). So, originally I started knitting these because I needed some summer in my life. They are ankle socks, knit with Regia Bamboo Color, a lovely yarn. As I finished the first one, I realized these socks were not to be for me. I've made now, 3 pairs of socks, one for me, one for my son, and one for...my sister-in-law. J's sister is going to have a baby in November. She is a bit nervous, it is her first baby. She really wants me there with her, to help her. I really want to be there with her to help her. But, since babies don't really tell us an exact date, and I have 2 small hooligans of my own..oh and the small fact that we are over 1000 miles apart, it just isn't possible for me to be with her, physically. I knit these beautiful socks, these lovely cushy socks, for my dear sister. So she knows when she is working so hard to have this sweet little girl come into her home, I am with her.

Thank you all for your wonderful thoughts and good energy that has been sent my way recently. This has been a tough week...it is every year, but I am doing better. We went today and sent Ladybugs to Emma. It is one thing I really enjoy doing for her. We get a bag of Ladybugs and release them at her grave. I love watching them fly away.

Now, for some pictures of my other babies. I'll have more knitting pictures later...but tonight, just my babes. Oh, and lest you think I am the fantastic photographer that did these pictures, let me set you straight...it was my dear friend Sarah. She really does such a fantastic job! Thanks again Sar!

Today, August 23, at 2 pm will mark 1460 days since I last held Emma, alive. She nursed for an hour, I laid her down for a nap, and that was that. She died 4 years ago. I can't believe she would be 4 years, 8 months and 8 days today. She would have been such a big girl, such a good big sister, so much fun for her brother and sister to play with.

I've been thinking a lot recently about what 1460 days means. What exactly have I missed? I have missed her first steps, first words, hearing her say "I Love You". I have missed watching her play with babies, develop preferences, have attitude with me. I have missed countless hugs and kisses, I have missed wiping thousands of tears, I have missed watching her grow. I have missed watching her face light up and laugh at a joke I tell her. I've missed her going to preschool, going to nursery, Sunbeams and whatever class is next in Church (I don't even know!). I have missed hearing her say prayers. I've missed her telling secrets, learning to draw, write her name, and do somersaults. I've missed swimming lessons, soccer and dance - 3 things I loved as a child. I've missed her crawling into bed with us, her last nursing session (the one where we were both ready to be done), and watching her nurse her baby dolls. I've missed countless times of pretend play, making her costumes and teaching her to knit. I've missed 1460 photo opportunities - all mine stop at August 22, 2003. I've missed 4 birthdays, 4 Halloweens, 3 Christmases, 3 New Years, 3 Valentine's Day, 3 Easter's...and the number just keeps rising. I've missed watching her become a big sister. Watching her brother and sister and she interact. I've missed watching them make memories together, memories that I would never be a part of, because it is just them. I've missed so many things, what I've written is just a small fraction of what I've missed...but of all the things I've missed, what I miss most, is her. The very essence of her, my baby girl.

She is so very loved and so very missed. It's funny too, that it's not just Jeremy and I who miss her, but Seth misses her too. He will tell me every so often that he wishes Emma were here to play with him. In our curio cabinet we have special Emma things, her pictures, hand and foot molds, and some special toys. Well, one of the toys is a Cabbage Patch Doll that my friend Michelle got for us right after Emma died. It is a doll with blue eyes and reddish brown hair and is wearing a ladybug outfit. Seth loves that doll, yet I've never let him play with it. He asks me, quite often, if he can bring Emma out of the cabinet and play with her. If only it were that easy buddy, if only it were that easy.

Speaking of Seth and Emma, he's been asking me more and more questions about her. He wanted to know how she died. I told him that she was sleeping and Heavenly Father and Jesus needed her to come back to them, so they took her spirit and she died. He seemed ok with that. A few days later he was making up a song at the piano, it went something like this: "Emma, you are my big sister. You went to sleep for a nap and you died. I miss you. That is why I sing this song for you Emma". He really is so sweet. They would have had fun together. As I watch Seth and Amelia together, I realize what I've missed out on with Emma and Seth...and what they have both missed out on too. I know that for me, growing up with 4 siblings was fun. I loved playing with my brothers and sometimes my sister (she was much older and into different things). I loved playing with them and now I really enjoy the friendships I have with them. I watch Seth and Amelia play, they love eachother, they are eachother's best friends...oh what they are missing, another friend, another playmate, a sister.

So now, my heart not only breaks for me and my loss, but for that of my living children and their loss. All they know of their sister is pictures, video, and things we tell them. Amelia will grow up knowing that she looks like her sister. Seth will grow up knowing that he came into our family when we needed him more than anything. He is the reason I am still alive.

I just finished the book, The Dollmaker by Harriette Arnow. In it, a little girl is very tragically and suddenly killed. Her mother watches her death and holds her baby girl as the life goes out of her. One passage really spoke to me, I read it, then read it to Jeremy and we both said, "yeah I've felt that".

"There began again that continual reliving of the last few moments of Cassie's life when over and over she would put the picture together again piece by piece like one methodically laying hot coals on her own body."

I can not tell you how often, in the quiet hours, I have done this. I have relived that day, the decisions I made, the clothes I wore, what Emma did, what I did, how she looked when I laid her down for a nap...I also relive the nightmare that followed...what she looked like, how she smelled, how I hurt, how I still hurt. Oh how I miss that girl, forever and always.

In the quiet hours (they are so few these days) I think of my baby girl. As I kiss Seth and Amelia and put them to bed, I pray they wake up and always know I love them. I also pray every night that Emma knows how much I love and miss her.

I feel like this post has been just a jumble of thoughts and emotions...I guess that is ok because that is what I am, just a jumble of thoughts and emotions. It helps for me to write it and for me to set aside some time just for Emma. I made this slideshow for her also...just be warned, you may want tissues.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Oh my Emma...I love you more than you will ever know. The short time I had with you, I relive daily. From the moment I learned I was pregnant with you, I knew that you would be such a special gift in my life. I loved feeling you move, watching you grow, giving me heartburn. Then you were born, oh what a gift, truly. You were such a fantastic baby, so happy. When you cried, I knew I could fix it. You made mothering very easy, thank you. After you died, someone told me that we hurt so much because we love so much. That must be why I still hurt, because I still love you. Everyday I wonder what you'd be like, what you'd look like, what you'd sound like. I miss you baby girl, please watch over all of us, be our guardian angel.
Goodnight my angel....
Love,
Mama

I've been knitting and FINISHING things! I know, it's amazing! I am also on Ravelry now! Before I post pictures though, if you want to read about our vacations, go over to our Family Blog. We had a lot of fun and I got some good knitting time in!!!

Ok...now for pictures!






























So, one is a bit smaller than the other. I hope that these twins are like many twins and are little! That way these will fit for a bit! :)

I used Artful Yarns Candy, colorways 9552 and 9369, size 6 needles.

Next up is the diaper cover!!! I am very excited about this, and Amelia has already worn it!


































Eek, crying baby...if you want the stats on this, check out my Ravelry page ;)

Oh and just to warn you...tomorrow will probably be a sad post...4 years since my baby girl left...ugh, I hate this time of year. Just keep knitting, just keep knitting, just keep knitting, knitting, knitting...

*Yawn* What a great vacation I had!!! The kids and I went to Omaha, NE to see my family for 10 days! We got back last Friday and are getting to leave again tomorrow for J's company trip to Zion's National Park. That will be fun too!!! It will be 6ish hours in the car, so I can get some good knitting time in!
I have been knitting and sewing! At my Mom's I made these CUTE overalls for a friend's nephew. I think they turned out SO cute!




















I also made a shirt for S. It is a dinosaur shirt, and I have yet to get a picture of it. I have decided after doing that, that I don't like sleeves. I'll maybe try another one again...but I don't know ;)
I am also still working on A's diaper cover. It isn't my favorite pattern in the world. The picking up of stitches for the cuffs is just no fun and makes holes where I don't want them, so I've had to do some tweaking :)
I finished one of the twin hats I'm making. Lookie how cute!
















Oh and look at this sweet Cherry Dress I made!





















Before you fall too head over heels for it though, it's already been sold. One of my friends bought it for one of her friends. I love the cherries!!!

So, go check out this swap. I am SO doing it!!! This is one of my irl (in real life) friends and she is just a doll!! Look how cute her kiddos are too, what sweeties!

Alright, I have to go pack now. When I get back, pictures of another hat, a diaper cover, and LOADS of vacation pics!!!!